I have Found What May Be, Singlehandedly, The BEST Kingdom Hearts Rendition EVER

[Dracoslythe]

The story begins with Haley Joel Osment (aka SORA) thinking out loud.

SORA: I've been having these weird thoughts lately. Like, is any of this real, or not? How did it come to this? I almost won an Oscar before I started high school, how did I end up doing voice acting?

Utada Hikaru is introduced to the United States via crappy techno remix. We are then treated to some unskipable cut scenes for the next 30-40 hours.

After SORA falls a lot, a voice gives him vague tips, and he fights some monsters, including a freaking huge shadow thing.

SORA: Wait, is this supposed to represent my dark side? It's fucking huge! Was I Hitler in a past life or something?

SORA kills the monster by whacking its hands and face with a large key. This is painfully easy.

Eventually, SORA wakes up on an island consisting of himself, his friends, and Final Fantasy characters who have no impact on the plot.

SORA meets KAIRI, as well as RIKU'S MASSIVE BICEPS

KAIRI: SORA, wake up. We need to finish the raft.

SORA: You mean the piece of wood with a sail?

KAIRI: Yeah.

SORA: With no protection from UV rays, and has no medical equipment of any kind?

KAIRI: The Same.

SORA: Which we're stocking with barely enough food and water to support one person for a few days, let alone three people on a probably lengthy voyage?

KAIRI: Yup.

SORA: With less than preferable space to provide comfort for us, which, by day two will do little to help the unbearable stench caused by our unwashed, filthy bodies?

KAIRI: Uh-huh.

SORA: LET'S DO IT.





That's the first chapter, at least.
You can read the rest of the chapters here.


It makes it even better if you read it while listening to Renegade by Styx.  I dunno why.  Just the badassness of the music, I suppose.

[jkid101094]

Teeheehee, that's funny. :3

[Dracoslythe]

Teeheehee, that's funny. :3

The sad part?
Most of the logic fails (if not all of them) are true.  xD