Walking On fire Fanfiction, with extreme amounts of being shot in the balls XD

[ChaosDazer]

First off, I love writing. Any form, and type. I have a knack for it. My teachers all say I'm gifted and such (they better not be giving me false hope XD), and I would like to be a famous author when I'm older. Hard, but achievable.


Second off, this is based of my first fanfic. It was from 2007, and I didn't understand the meaning of originality... http://sonicblast.org/topic/3530/1/

Third off, I have one part right now. I will post 3/4 parts each week, depending on how I feel.

Also, I need comments. Comment away. NOW.
CHAPTER ONE
Run, Hedgehog, Run!
------------------
"DIIIIINGG!"
The bell rang. School had finished. But for Solar, the hell had only started.

"Out of my way! Coming through!"
He pushed passed the ranks of student's eagerly awaiting to go home. He was more eager than any of them, he needed to be in a safe place before the bullies came out. And he needed to get there fast.
Solar, called Fireyo by his brother seemed like an ordinary 14 year old hedgehog. Red skinned, with yellow highlights in his quills. He had a fringe just touching his eyes, but he looked no different to anyone else. Actually he was quite handsome. Sadly, none of the other girl's could get passed that fact. The truth was...
He was a showoff. He even admitted it himself, but he tried to be a nice person. he wasn't smart or athletic but his parent's were rich. He had all the latest gadgets, and he just loved showing them to people. Today he was wearing gravity-boots, allowing you to walk on walls. Sadly they had been broken by the bullies at lunch.
He had no-one to go to when they hurt him. His parent's didn't care, hell, neither did the teachers! He was an unlucky boy if there ever was one.

The 3 bullies were behind him now. Solar was rushing through a busy street, pushing people over and such. It was this way every day, he couldn't do anything about it. The 3 bullies, Nack, Crack and Weasel, where behind him. They where twins therefor you could barely tell them apart. Still, they demanded all the respect in Solar's school. Because of how powerful they were.

Solar could see his house in the distance. he had nearly made it without a scratch! He was sprinting and panting but still, when he turned into his quite peaceful road he thought he would be free. He turned, and ran like his depended on it, until...

"AGGGGGGGHHH!"
He screamed out in anger. Nack had acquired (or put into better terms, stolen) A gun. And it just so happened that it shot Solar in the crotch. Bullseye.

NEXT TIME-CHAPTER TWO: "Oh shit-"

Chapter 2: Oh shit-
---------
"Ughh...my balls..."
Solar had regained consciousness. He had a striking pain down below, and he was against a diving board of sorts. Except the pool below him was made of Toxic waste. It was a Toxic waste dump.

Nack, Crack, and Weasel were behind him. Putting on an evil smile.
"Not so tough now, eh?" Sneered Nack. "My dad owns the place. And it just so happens he's going to freeze it over today, wipe it of his hands. Maybe you could be frozen with it."
Solar used the last ounce of strength in his body to get up. He wasn't usually scared but this was a different matter. "This isn't fair! I haven't done anything to you! Now your putting me on my deathbed!" He managed to say, halve sobbing, scared for his life. He saw a Dark Grey hedgehog with purple highlights in his quills behind him. Then Solar realized it was his brother rushing towards him. But in the end it wouldn't of mattered. Because since he had got up...
He had been slipping. Now he was standing on edge, not realizing. A strange black substance emitted below his feet. It seemed like it was alive, pushing him down. But before he had time to think, he slipped into a pool of waste.

"Oh shit!"
That was the last thing any of the 4 around him heard. Nack was in shock. He was never going to push him over, just tease him. But now he could be counted as a murderer. He looked to his side to see his friends faces, but Crack and Weasel were slumped on the floor dead. Solar's brother, Lunar, was behind him. And he choking Nack from the inside, somehow.
After taking care of the dead trio, Lunar rushed over to the pool. He created a forcefield around Solar, again, the first time he had ever done this. It seemed to work, but then....
The Waste froze over. Leaving him in a inescapable bubble. It was over. Solar would die of starvation, and never see anyone ago.
A small droplet of waste touched his left eye. It burned him. Taking his last breath he closed his eyes, descending into nothingness....

[darkness shadow]

now thats intresting...

LUV ITTT

[Dracoslythe]

Haha, this is interesting.  Expect me to be keeping an eye out on this thread.  C:
All the newfound story posting, I may post one of my many ones soon. rofl.

Now for my C&C input:
- I see a few grammar mistakes, but that's nothing much.  rofl.  (that and 3 siblings aren't twins, they are triplets xD)

- I love the twists!  The plotline can be seen as something cliché, but you took and and twisted it in ways that spice it up.  That's an EXCELLENT skill to have when writing.  (:

- There are a few run on sentences, but like I said, grammar isn't really a big deal, unless it's like MAJOR grammatical mistakes.

- Elaborate elaborate elaborate!  That's one thing that I've acquired a strong taste for, and something I'm a bit picky about, thanks to school.  There's never such thing as too much detail (well, unless you have like one paragraph, detailing an article of clothing, but you get the point, I think)


Also:
"Never see anyone ago"  <--- just wondering is that a typo?


Anyway, I love it, and can't wait to read more of it when you post it.  ^ - ^

[ChaosDazer]

Haha, this is interesting.  Expect me to be keeping an eye out on this thread.  C:
All the newfound story posting, I may post one of my many ones soon. rofl.

Now for my C&C input:
- I see a few grammar mistakes, but that's nothing much.  rofl.  (that and 3 siblings aren't twins, they are triplets xD)

- I love the twists!  The plotline can be seen as something cliché, but you took and and twisted it in ways that spice it up.  That's an EXCELLENT skill to have when writing.  (:

- There are a few run on sentences, but like I said, grammar isn't really a big deal, unless it's like MAJOR grammatical mistakes.

- Elaborate elaborate elaborate!  That's one thing that I've acquired a strong taste for, and something I'm a bit picky about, thanks to school.  There's never such thing as too much detail (well, unless you have like one paragraph, detailing an article of clothing, but you get the point, I think)


Also:
"Never see anyone ago"  <--- just wondering is that a typo?


Anyway, I love it, and can't wait to read more of it when you post it.  ^ - ^

Thank's for the C&C. Spelling has never been my strong point, which is why I get Firefox to correct them. XD
Never see anyone ago should be again, guess I never realized.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3: "Melodramatic Git!"
Solar was knocked hard on the head by a piece of frozen waste. This woke him up, and to his amazement, the pool around him was spotless. Like there had never been anything there. Either god really did love him, or he was in heaven. But he expected the latter. He couldn't contain his excitement. All around him was a square of people rushing off around him, most likely going to work. Blue force field's surrounded the pool of emptiness, yet no one noticed anything strange. Maybe he really was in Heaven......
Then, the force fields came down, and people started gaping in awe. Solar realized what had happened. The force field was a cloaking device, and he had just been revealed. Solar couldn't contain his excitement. Every bone in his body was in agony (his Pelvis even more so than the others) although he was still breathing, lying in what should of been his deathbed. He slowly stood up. and shouted...
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I'M ALIVE!"
"Melodramatic git!"
A completely black, tall Echidna had replied in response. Although that was all Solar could make out before the echidna ran of in fear. Other people also started to run off, screaming, slipping, in dismay. He was worried. Had he done something wrong? On the contrary it was far from his fault. Just out of the corner of his eye, behind him, he saw it....
A explosion made by a missile. Tank's and Helicopters surrounded the area, and Solar was more than curious about what was going on. Forgetting all his pain, he jumped out of the pool with ease. This pool was deep though, so deep in fact the people around it were barely visible, only head's and screams could be seen and heard. But Solar managed to jump out like it was to easy. He then proceeded to run through the crowds into the heart of the chaos.

[darkness shadow]

lol it's always that toxic waste exposure= supa powers ain it?

[ChaosDazer]

lol it's always that toxic waste exposure= supa powers ain it?

Yes.

Thank God for un-original Super Hero powers influencing young children's  minds XD

[darkness shadow]

Yes.

Thank God for un-original Super Hero powers influencing young children's  minds XD

inorite

[Dracoslythe]

Yes.

Thank God for un-original Super Hero powers influencing young children's  minds XD

They're the best!  8D

[Tailzmilez]

i like it!