How would you feel if the Declaration of Independence was revoked?

[Jordan teh Echidna]

Some guy wrote this in 2000.
How would you feel if this ACTUALLY happened?
(Mods: Feel free to move this topic to a more suitable area, since I couldn't think where...)

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "5hit". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2001) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your cooperation.

[ShadaDX]

I'll be honest, right now I'm kinda lazy to read it ;p
On a side note, I think I've seen this on Tumblr (correct me if I'm wrong though)
It's kinda funny though

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

..yeah.

[jkid101094]

In all honesty I'd rather die than to have foreign culture forced on me. I will never call potato chips, 'crisps" unless I'm acting an English character which isn't likely to happen. =P

As for the joke...it was funny for about 5 seconds. At least he tried.

[TheGameNinja]

Seeing as we never asked permission in the first place, how could it be revoked? o3o

[Jordan teh Echidna]

In all honesty I'd rather die than to have foreign culture forced on me. I will never call potato chips, 'crisps" unless I'm acting an English character which isn't likely to happen. =P

As for the joke...it was funny for about 5 seconds. At least he tried.

It wasn't a joke :0
He was being serious.

hehehe, crisps is how they are called mofo.
They're called Walker's, not Lay's >:I

[shadowDOESrock]

Then america wouldnt be so much in debt and drag the entire world down because you people cant manage money and buy houses like they're candy and your government would make 49% more sense and wouldn't spend billions of dollars in developing laser weapons, even though the nation doesnt have any money from begin with.

and health care wouldnt suck.

[jkid101094]

hehehe, crisps is how they are called mofo.
They're called Walker's, not Lay's >:I

Looks like Lay's to me.

wouldn't spend billions of dollars in developing laser weapons, even though the nation doesnt have any money from begin with.

We have laser weapons? Why was I never informed of this?

[NiGHTS]

*too many words to properly quote*

I love this post...

hehehe, crisps is how they are called mofo.
They're called Walker's, not Lay's >:I  (even though tayto crisps are preferable <.<>.>)

[Jordan teh Echidna]

Looks like Lay's to me.
We have laser weapons? Why was I never informed of this?

Looks like walker's to me!

Thankyou NiGHTS :33

[jkid101094]

In 1932, salesman Herman Lay opened a snack food operation in Dorset, Ohio and, in 1938, he purchased the Atlanta, Georgia potato chip manufacturer "Barrett Food Company, " renaming it "H.W. Lay Lingo & Company."[citation needed] Lay criss-crossed the southern United States selling the product from the trunk of his car. In 1942, Lay introduced the first continuous potato processor, resulting in the first large-scale production of the product.[citation needed]
The business shortened its name to "the Lay's Lay Lingo Company" in 1944 and became the first snack food manufacturer to purchase television commercials, with Bert Lahr as a celebrity spokesman.[4] His signature line, "so crisp you can hear the freshness," became the chips' first slogan along with "de-Lay-sious!"[citation needed] As the popular commercials aired during the 1950s, Lay's went national in its marketing and was soon supplying product throughout the United States.[citation needed]
In 1961, the Frito Company founded by Elmer Doolin and Lay's merged to form Frito-Lay Inc., a snack food giant with combined sales of over $127 million annually, the largest of any manufacturer. Shortly thereafter, Lays introduced its best-known slogan "betcha can't eat just one." Sales of the chips became international, with marketing assisted by a number of celebrity endorsers.
In 1965, Frito-Lay merged with the Pepsi-Cola Company to form PepsiCo, Inc. and a barbecue version of the chips appeared on grocery shelves. A new formulation of chip was introduced in 1991 that was crisper and kept fresher longer. Shortly thereafter, the company introduced the "Wavy Lays" products to grocery shelves. In the mid to late 1990s, Lay's modified its barbecue chips formula and rebranded it as "K.C. Masterpiece," named after a popular sauce, and introduced a lower calorie baked version and a variety that was completely fat-free (Lay's WOW chips containing the fat substitute olestra).
In the 2000s, kettle cooked brands appeared as did a processed version called Lay's Stax that was intended to compete with Pringles, and the company began introducing a variety of additional flavor variations.
Frito-Lay products currently control 59% of the United States savory snack-food market.[5]
crisps in the UK. The logo for the British version is notably similar to the American brand, featuring a red ribbon around a yellow sun. The other Frito-Lay brands are also distributed through the Walkers label.
In Spain, they are commercialized with the name Lay's and was also very popular in China.
In the Benelux Lay's are sold in three varieties: Lay's, Lay's Light and Lay's Sensations (Thai Sweet Chili/Red Paprika/Oven Roasted Chicken and Thyme). Lay's Super Chips (Heinz Ketchup/Mexican Pepper/Perfect Pickles/Salt 'n' Pepper [all through Delhaize) and Lay's Baked Chips (Mediterranean Herbs/through Delhaize). As with Doritos, Lay's are manufactured, distributed and imported in The Netherlands by Frito Lay's Benelux division, Smith's Food Group.
In India, Bollywood superstar Saif Ali Khan and Indian cricketer Mahendra Singh Dhoni endorse Lays.
In Argentina, Lays was commercialized before 2001 with the name Frenchitas and Chizitos for the Cheetos.
In Australia, Pepsico acquired The Smith's Snackfood Company in 1998 and marketed Frito-Lay products under that label, using the name Thins.
After Thin's was sold to Snack Brands Australia (Owned by Arnotts), Smith's produced a line of potato chips under the Lay's brand for a brief period of time. The Lay's line was eventually rebranded in 2004 as Smith's Crisps, while the traditional Smith's line was renamed Smith's Crinkles. This is still sold in Australia as a direct competitor to Smith's Crisps.
In Canada, the chips are distributed through the Lay's label.
In Colombia, the chips are sold under the name Margarita. They are still commercialized under the label Lay's, however.
In Mexico, Pepsico acquired Sabritas S. de R.L. in 1966. Lay's along with other products such as Cheetos, Fritos, Doritos and Ruffles are marketed under the Sabritas brand. The logo for the Mexican company sports the red ribbon, but it has a stylized smiling face instead of the sun. It controls around 80% of the market there.
In Egypt, Lay's was once sold with its own label until it was merged with the local label Chipsy (??), which has since become the local unit of Lay's under much the same arrangement as Walkers.
In United Arab Emirates, Lay's and Walkers are sold as different labels.
In Pakistan, the Lays brand is endorsed by renowned pop star Ali Zafar.
In Israel, the Lay's label is distributed with the name Tapuchips (?').
In September 2007, Lays changed their logo. It is similar to the previous one, but with more of a 3D look and the letters 'a' and 'y' connected. The bags themselves were also redesigned.
In Brazil, chips are distributed under a Lay's sister-company, Elma Chips.
In Vietnam, Lay's is distributed as Poca.

Not only is the chip American but it was named after it's creator so you can shove your Walkers, Chipsy, Poca, Tapuchips and Sabritas up your asses. >:c

[Jordan teh Echidna]

Not only is the chip American but it was named after it's creator so you can shove your Walkers, Chipsy, Poca, Tapuchips and Sabritas up your asses. >:c

"In the 1880s Henry Walker moved from Mansfield to Leicester to take over an established butcher's shop in the high street. Meat rationing after World War II saw the factory output drop dramatically and the company looked at alternatives to make use of the wasted capacity. With potato crisps being increasingly popular with the public, managing director R.E. Gerrard helped the company shift focus and began hand-slicing and frying potatoes."

[Princessofthechaosemerald]

This made me laugh. A Lot.

Some guy wrote this in 2000.
How would you feel if this ACTUALLY happened?
(Mods: Feel free to move this topic to a more suitable area, since I couldn't think where...)

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.


3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

Is it bad I already do/know these things though?

[The Forgotten Alex]

Sabritas

I spent 5 minutes laughing at that single word.

Sabrita.