CCoSZ

[jkid101094]

Kay's girlfriend says Kay hates me. I really don't know how she feels about all this.

And thank you, sweetheart.

One of the mods yelled at me for calling them, "hun". Like fucking seriously.

[Tanassy]

That's really freaking sad :c

You can talk to me whenever you need to..

And that's so silly :c

[Hakudamashi]

CODE FUCKING EVERYTHING.

So you know that LZtD group I was hanging out with? Turns out they hate me. Kay apparently hates me too. They said I was a creepy terrible person and now I just want to crawl into a hole and die.

I'm crying guys. You know how hard it is to make me cry. I lost so many friends today that it hurts.

I find it hard to be believe anyone could not like you...
Wanna hug?

[jkid101094]

That's really freaking sad :c

You can talk to me whenever you need to..

And that's so silly :c

I find it hard to be believe anyone could not like you...
Wanna hug?

Thank you guys~
*huggles you both*

Though I did hear from Kay. She apparently doesn't lean to either side and still loves all of us and that makes me happier than a clam~

[Hakudamashi]

Why doesn't she visit anymore...

[jkid101094]

I'm not sure but I really doubt it has anything to do with you guys. It's hard supporting multiple groups at once.

[Hakudamashi]

Not even to just post a dick joke?

[jkid101094]

She does what she does, hun. I'm sure she has her reasons.

[Elija2]

I'm an elite member of at least a dozen different forums and I still have the time to fit in the occasional dick joke once in a while.

[TheSlender]

This needs to be active. It can help with all this drama...

[Grell Desu]

This needs to be active. It can help with all this drama...

Indeed. I'm willing to listen to anyone and offer comfort to anyone who comes by and posts in here.

[Hakudamashi]

Being stickied isn't enough for you?

[Grell Desu]

Being stickied isn't enough for you?

They were just saying if everyone came in here and let stuff off their chest it might help people not explode on others in the chat.

[xSalashawty]

Also an updated staff list would be nice. c:

[jkid101094]

Code Purple - I have a lot of problems lately, don't I?

So to try to make this as short as possible, I don't think Kay and I are friends anymore. I've tried talking to her, but she completely ignores me for her Tumblr friends. In fact, the only time she talks to me is when I start bashing on the Tumblr community. I understand she has a busy life but the fact that she can't even say hi to me but she has time to RP with her other friends makes me feel like I'm not important to her anymore.

This is what I sent her maybe three days before I started my 'avoid Kay' thing.

Alright, I wanted to avoid this but I can't anymore. I don't know if you're awake but if you aren't sorry in advance if I wake you up.

I'm going to try to make this as short as possible. I feel like the two of us are being pulled apart. I've felt like this since before Tumblr but now it's getting particularly bad. Both of us are on everyday but we rarely talk to each other. I try my best to start conversations with you but they hardly go anywhere. I don't like pushing blame on people, but even though you say we're still best buds I find it hard to believe because you hardly ever show it. I just wish you'd start a conversation with me for once, ya know? It almost feels like our friendship is one sided and if that's true I don't see why we're friends in the first place.

I hope that's not true. I desperately don't want it to be, but if you have a problem with me or even if you just aren't as interested in talking to me as you used to be just say so. Hurting me now is much better than destroying me in the long run.

I wouldn't be so worried but I keep thinking about how you left Sonic ZONE...I don't want you to leave me too but I don't see this working out if we both aren't giving it our all, ya know? I know you don't always feel like talking in general but the fact that I see you on Tumblr having a blast when I can hardly get a peep out of you makes me feel like you only call me your best friend so you don't hurt me.

I'm trying to pick my words as carefully as possible but this is really bothering me. Between all this and what Shelly told me I'm not so sure I know who you are anymore.
Eternal Goddess jkid: And before I go I have to give credit where it's due. Thank you for listening to me when I have problems.
Eternal Goddess jkid: Maybe I'm just jealous. I mean, I see you with all your Tumblr RP friends and it reminds me of how we used to be, me, you and GD. It's obvious you've moved on but I stuck in a rut wondering if I should move on or try to save our friendship. And if I DO move on I don't even know how to go about doing it.
Eternal Goddess jkid: I've never had this problem before. I don't know how to deal with it.

Really I think that explains most of it in a nutshell...she ignored that entire thing, and that's when I decided I was done.

The whole challenge to see how long I could avoid Kay has a different meaning. It's me trying to unhinge myself from her. If I'm not worth her time she shouldn't be worth mine, really it's that simple. I've been trying to sever our friendship so she doesn't have to lie to me anymore.

I thought I was over the fight with LZtD, but what Kay's girlfriend said to me still bothers me.

a long time ago? you're still making idiotic vague jabs. oh and making 'jokes' about wanting me dead.

the friend that you've made so many creepy posts about that, along with your annoying personality, make you impossible to like.

If you've seen my post on Facebook I've already explained this. ^

Since when? I've stopped since the time you yelled at me for it. I did it to her last boyfriend too and we all laughed about it. I thought you guys had gotten used to it which is why I kept it up but I stopped the moment you personally told me not to.

Creepy? She doesn't seem to think so. If she came to me about them I'd stop but she hasn't.

You might not like me but I still like you, whether you care or not you make my best friend happy and I can't dislike you for that.

Vec won't tell you because the girl's too nice. she's a real sweetheart. it's creepy. but, maybe she didn't see the post you made about you making a sex doll based off of her in a creepy blowjob game.

do you realise how creepy this is? well? do you? because that's seriously fucking creepy and seriously fucked up.

you are creepy. and i really, really didn't want to have to say anything, but you are.

and your jokes are inappropriate. i just thought i should throw that out there.

Once again, she took that completely out of context and I explained that in my post too. ^

In fact, I might as well post that here too...I'd quote it but doing so gives me an error.



So there are a lot of things I need to get off my chest before I can feel better. Hopefully someone will care to read this and I hope no one gets offended by or thinks of me differently for it (in the negative sense anyway). Though the word "offense" has been so limiting to me lately that I'm almost dying to say something without fear of someone getting offended, so please take this as a, "don't say I didn't warn you" if you're an easily offendable person.


So I did a bit of thinking about my situation and about that picture I shared. I'm suddenly feeling tired right now. I guess I should have wrote this before I ran off to eat but I've thought long and hard about what I'm about to type so hopefully I'll be able to articulate everything that needs to be said.

So I realized I never really told you guys what happened...well, I never really said everything to most of the people here anyway. On another forum I pretty much went all out and posted every single response from both sides offering as little biased input as I could at the time. I feel like I need to expose the things I did wrong too, though. Mostly me just being unthoughtful and assuming everyone knew I only ever had good intentions. I'll skip the silly art theft argument because it's not very important here and the bits of it that are I'll mention later.

So recently I confessed to Kay. Yes, THAT Kay. You all saw this coming. I bet even you did, Tana. I wanted to keep it from you guys to avoid hurting people and being teased but it plays a really important role in why everyone got so angry at me.

So Kay recently got herself a girlfriend...on the same day I was going to tell her. That hurts. You can only imagine how I felt that day opening Skype to see I was less than a day late to being with someone I care about. Kay had told me some things beforehand but I still figured I had all the time in the world. I didn't.

I was willing to look past that and be happy for her, but she kept posting about how much fun she was having with the group she was in. She hardly ever talked to us (GD and I) and the few words she said to us were always about LZtD. I felt like I was losing her so I said fuck it, made myself an account and joined. I never cared about Zexal or any of that stuff. All I wanted was to be with my best friend.

Now you guys all know how my sense of humor works. I don't have one. Simple as that, so I always try to aim at the sense of humor of the people I'm talking to. I figured Kay's friends had similar humor to Kay so I just acted like I normally did.

Remember how I always said I was sending a gang of ninjas after Kay's old boyfriend? She never got offended by it because she knew how I was and how my only intentions were to play around with them. I never wanted anyone dead. Well since it had gone over so well with Carter and because this was an RP group I figured I'd do something similar with Kay's girlfriend and our characters.

Have you ever seen the old Chuck Jones cartoons? Of course you have. In those cartoons Elmer Fudd spends entire seasons trying to kill Bugs Bunny. They fire guns at each other. They whack each other in the faces with hammers and drop pianos on each other's heads. People think it's funny because no matter how hard he tries Fudd can't catch Bugs for the life of him. That's the kind of relationship I wanted between Magi (my character) and Alit (hers). I never wanted to offend her, I just wanted to do some silly humor where the other members could laugh at the 100th time Magi fell down a flight of stairs and failed.

"Haha, failure Magi."

I never thought, though, that instead of humor she's take that as a death threat. Like I said, my intentions were only good but I never once thought that she wouldn't see that. That's where my fault comes in because I just assumed everyone was just as accepting of my bullshit as Kay was.

So as time went by eventually Kay came to me and said that people were taking offense to me always playfully hitting on her character (Vector) so I cut the shit...for a while. I can't remember when I started doing it again but I remember thinking that there were a few things that they had let me pass with and I think I started up again. I really don't remember that time too well.

Either way I think someone else told me to stop and I felt really bad for it. Eventually I wrote a little blurb where my character committed suicide because I was just really feeling depressed between that and switching to 100mg of Zoloft a day. Eventually I used it as a plot point to give my character amnesia so that I could essentially just forget about all that, once again thinking suicide wouldn't offend anyone.

So then an admin sent me a message asking me to quit the suicide talk so I did. If I had to mention it I tagged it as suicide so Tumblr Savior would block it. And that was that.

Well in the meantime my crush on Kay still had a pretty strong hold on me. I would often make posts about her and how much I cared and all the things we've done in the past and blah blah blah.

The two I'd like to bring up, though, are the one where I said getting over Kay was impossible and the one where I told everyone about the mod I mad of her in SDT.

First of all, Kay is a really good friend of mine. She knows this. You know this. They know this. Well now having told her I loved her I wanted to believe that those feelings were true. To put it simply, I was afraid that if I didn't keep myself convinced I loved her that I might stop loving her like that and that she'd hold it against me if the two of us ever had a chance to end up together. Maybe that right there should have tipped me off but I'm a fucking idiot so I spent a lot of time trying not to lose those feelings. For some reason I never thought that, once again, those posts would come off as creepy. I have four years of experience with the girl and those posts were aimed solely at her. I figured everyone else was uninvolved but they weren't. Just like I was trying to communicate my feelings for my friend they wanted to protect theirs from the guy who they thought was a perverted stalker creep and that's completely understandable. They don't know me, so I can see where they were coming from. I just didn't at the time.

Second is the Super Deep Throat mod. Yes, that sex game. We've already gone over this. I've made stupid 18+ things of her character before but the way I see it is different then the way they do and I never really tried to explain why things like that were so special to Kay an I.

Kay laughs at silly things like that. She knows I'm not a creep. In fact the entire time I spent making things like this I was constantly asking her if it was OK and if such and such was going too far and she would just laugh and tell me to keep going. Then I would sign out of whatever messenger we were using while she laughed her ass off at the poorly finished product. To Kay and I it was more of a, "we trust each other to the point where we can laugh at stupid shit like this" but to them it came off as a creeper comment and, once again, I figured everyone was like Kay.

Kay and have spent the past four years together which may not seem like a lot, but think that I'm eighteen now and she's nineteen. We met when we were fourteen and fifteen and have been best buddies ever since. That's almost all of our teenage lives when were we just finding out who we were and how we were going to deal with life. Most of the crazy shit we did back then set our standards as we grew up. We're such good friends and understand each other so much because we pretty much helped mold each other into the people we are today. I never put much thought into it though, so I didn't realize how much you really needed to know about us to understand my humor. Yeah, I see how normal people could see these things as creepy, but we aren't exactly normal people. She just tries to blend in. I don't.
In the end we ended up fighting because no one understood me. Kay did, but Kay doesn't make the entire group and she wasn't there to say anything at the time. I tried to defend myself by saying I was just using black humor but that was just me trying to make sense of me thoughts without actually thinking about explaining it. I understand why everyone got mad at me now that I've thought about it and for the most part I feel like I can see things from their point of view but I still think there's a bit more to be said.

First of all one thing they said that hit me home was that, "I don't treat others like I'd like to be treated.", but the thing is, I do. I've said above that everything I did had good intentions behind it. It's just that the way I want to be treated and the way they want to be treated are two different things. One of the admins yelled at me for calling them, "hun". I guess I can understand why that would offend some people but anyone who knows me knows that that's not something I'm just willing to stop. It's my dialect. It's a part of me that makes me who I am. By telling me to stop you're essentially telling me to change my personality just for you and that's just something I'm not willing to do. The same goes for writing about things that would offend people. In my stories there are characters that die as children, there are victims of domestic abuse. There are people who kill themselves and others because those are the kinds of things I like to write about. These are things that happen in real life. People murder others. People commit suicide. People cheat and do horrible things. Those things are all part of life and though I don't exactly approve of them happening, hiding from them helps nobody. That's why I can't understand people who get offended about things. Maybe I'm just ignorant about traumatizing events; I'll be the first to admit that I am, but in my mind it makes more sense to face these things head on then to hide from them because to me I feel like getting used to the fact people talk and write about these things can help you cope with the fact they exist. As long as the human race exists things like these won't stop. Hell, these things even happen with animals. As much as I'd love to see every last rapist put behind bars and every last depressed person get someone to talk to I know those are just pipe dreams and hiding from them doesn't help anyone and hurts me in the long run.

To make a long story short, yeah, I make offensive comments and write about bad things, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want someone to do the same for me. I've been through some hard times to but I refuse to ask people to stop talking about things related to them because I know it only hurts me in the long run. I'm not saying everyone has to be like that, but just that that's how I'd like to be treated and my reasoning behind it. It's the same reason I never asked Kay to stop "dokying" over her girlfriend. I didn't like it but asking them to stop felt wrong to me and I knew that if I left I'd have to leave every time it happened and that isn't something I wanted to do.
Shorter story even shorter, I'm a stubborn bastard that believes in facing problems head on.
I've already told everyone about how I'd feel about the other things. It's not that I don't do unto others as I'd have them do unto me. It's that our views on what we're willing to accept and how we react to it are drastically different.

Anyway, I think I'm done venting. I thought going into LZtD that I was going to learn something. GoW taught me how to make friends. Sonic ZONE taught me how to stand up for my beliefs in who I am. I thought LZtD would teach me how to adapt to others but it didn't. They thought they were going to teach me about morality but you can't really "teach" conflicting opinions. Instead what LZtD taught me was that not everyone is going to agree with me. Yeah, I might be offensive and stubborn and kind of clueless but I'm also a wonderful big brother, a role model to a lot of people, a great friend and someone who isn't afraid to give an honest opinion or stand up for his beliefs. If LZtD taught me anything it's that I need to stop trying to please everyone and focus on pleasing the people who are willing to accept me for the great guy that I am and let no one else tell me different and, honestly, I think that's the best lesson the internet has taught me yet.



At the time I didn't believe her, but now I have little reason not to. Kay has become a completely different person and pretty much replaced me. It's causing me a lot of stress and even talking about it is shooting my nerves through the roof. I just want all the bullshit to end and for things to go back to the way they used to be...